When In Texas...

There's an old saying we used to throw around in the south that goes something like this: "You're only as good as the closest neighbor to your right." And in the case of our beloved George W. Bush, the proof of that is in the pent-up rage roaming right next door.

Yesterday, according to the Associated Press, police and Secret Service agents rushed to the house of Larry Mattlage, the pissed-off protest-hater who lives and works the farm adjacent to Prezzie's McLennan County ranch. After firing twice in the air with one of his many shotguns -- with which by the way, he claims he hunts doves -- Larry the Loser asserted, "I ain't threatening nobody and I ain't pointing a gun at nobody." 'Cept the doves, of course. You know, the international symbols of peace, justice and tranquility.

Larry wasn't arrested, however. I mean, his intent was only to disrupt the mindful, religious, candle-lit ceremony held by the 60-or-so anti-war protesters parked outside his home. Never would he attempt to wound, maim, or take innocent lives to the grave in the name of that good ol'Texan charm. No, he leaves that to his hot-headed bi-coastal neighbor back east.

Bush, by the way, had no comment. Neither do I, you see.