Because Of The Wonderful Things He Does

So it's election time again. No no, not THAT election. We have, let's see, $18 Billion more dollars to waste on war, 1500 more service men and women to send to the slaughter, carry the decaying deficit, destroy the social security system, add two more homophobic right wing judges to the court, nuke a rain forest, prolong the cure for cancer...yeah, that's about two and half more years with that son of a Bush.

I'm referring, of course, to a more local hellstorm. It's time to elect, or perhaps reelect NYC's next mayor. Now I don't like to choose favorites, and I certainly won't tell you who to vote for, unless we're talking the final five on the next American Idol competition. I just figure any little bit of information I can gather, I'll put out there.

So this morning, as I climbed the stairs of my Manhattan bound subway stop, I was greeted by the very tired-looking, baby-faced blue-eyed beauty, Gifford Miller. If you haven't had a chance to stand in front of him personally, let me tell you, those eyes are so bright they could burn holes through titanium cinder blocks. Small hands, though. Not that it means anything; I'm just saying.

Anyway, I walked up to the man, who shook my extended hand gently, and asked him point blank, "Where do you stand on gay marriage?" Without hesitation he placed his hand on my arm, all fraternity-like and said, "I'm for it, and have been since 1995." Apparently when he was only 12 he was fighting for the gay vote. (He isn't really 22 but with the right amount of botox and a few nights sleep he could pass for a ragged 28).

I don't know if the slogan is pre-packaged but it's kinda catchy. "Have Been Since 1995." As if he was anything else before then. As if any of us were. I can see his pride flag now: "Gifford Miller: Friend Of Friends Of Dorothy, est. 1995."

Regardless, I thanked him for his time and wished him the best of luck -- to which he smiled goofy and declared with a gesture halfway between a thumbs-up and the finger, "You're my luck!"

Whatever that means.

Having met three of the four Democratic hopefuls in person, I can say he's definitely the sexiest of the bunch. But we shouldn't vote for a mayor based solely on his or her looks. I mean, we're not that superficial, are we? Clearly what's most important here is what he'll bring to this fabulous town, you know, like his ideas and his policies. His time, his money and his...oh fuck it...he's hot. And at least I can pronounce his last name without giggling like a little school girl.

I mean, we already have a Big Bad Bush in Washington. Do we really want a Weiner as Wizard of our Oz too? I know it's a goyishly gay city but come on...