Give A Dog A Boner, Literally

You've heard it all before...
Boy meets Girl. Boy takes Girl out for romantic spaghetti and meatball dinner. Girl lets Boy nuzzle up to her by the fire and nine months later, seven hungry mouths chew Girl's tender nipples to pieces.

Okay, so it's not your typical Hollywood love story. But then again, if you ever got a chance to really corner Lady, I'd bet she'd offer up nothing but curses for the Tramp.

Today's bitches, thankfully, have more choices. And while Georgie, Johnny, Harriet and Oprah prepare to battle it out supremely over the future freedom for our female counterparts, one company has taken it upon themselves to provide an alternative in the highly heated pro-life/pro-choice campaign.

This time, however, the fight is for Fido.

Dog Condoms, Inc., a U.S. based manufacture of prophylactics for pooches -- no seriously -- has invented a revolutionary rubber to help prevent the millions of unwanted, unplanned dog pregnancies faced by pet owners each year alone. As an alternative to spaying or neutering your dog, an act the company calls "brutal forced castrations," these clever canine condoms are intended to provide safe and effective birth control, safe-guarding a dog's genitals and "honoring their instincts and sexuality."

Available as lubricated for both his and her pleasure, the thin latex wrapper is available in three different sizes -- a comfort fit for just about any breed, Danes to Doxies.

In a controlled clinical trial, the creative contraceptive initially showed a very high rate of effectiveness, significantly lowering the occurrence of unwanted pregnancy when used correctly by two consenting canines.

But wait, it isn't all Paradise in Prophylactic Poochville. In a recent report posted on the company's website, there has been a voluntary but Urgent Recall on the much anticipated Meat-Scented condoms which have presented a choking hazard, "especially for smaller dogs."

According to the post, an estimated 15 consumers reported accidental ingestion of the condoms, yet thankfully, no fatalities resulted from these incidents. Though it isn't specified explicitly in the recall, it is my sincere hope the rubbers were swallowed by Man's Best Friend and not Man himself.

For the time being, however, the company has suspended production and distribution of the product until further testing can be done to ensure its safety and reliability on the market. Owners are encouraged to allow dry humping of the legs and knees until the condoms have been cleared for canine use once again.




Gives a whole new meaning to doing it Doggy-Style, doesn't it?









Note: Dog Condoms are not intended for human use and may not protect against the spread of fleas. All dogs should talk to their doctors before becoming sexually active for the first time.