Alicia Slip-erstone: A Special Report

So I know there are far more important things to focus on in the world right now: The thousands of displaced starving southerners, war-torn Iraq, the Democratic Mayoral Primary, hell, even the fact we didn't get to watch more of Andy Roddick's sweat-stained shirt rise high above the rim of his mesh-clinging waistline at the U.S. Open...Yes, there's sobering news all around us these days. But desperate times demand desperate pleasures. And heeding the call was the one and only Alicia Silverstone, who cluelessly performed a mitzvah of mayhem when she slipped and fell on the red carpet at the GQ Man Of The Year Awards party in London.

Let's just call it a wardrobe malfunction and pay no attention to the trail of empty wine bottles left behind in her wake.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't usually enjoy pointing and laughing at someone else's tragically public misfortune, especially when that someone is as sweet and blonde as the former Batgirl. But I just can't shake the notion that there's something almost cathartic in reveling in the thought that even a babe-a-licious bombshell can blunder so bombastically. Yeah yeah, I know we all put our pants on one leg at time, even the wealthy and well-known. But it isn't every day we fall flat on our faces with a sea of photogs poised to preserve the memory for all the world to Cher-ish.

And for that, a generous thank-you to the PETA Princess.

Alicia, your random rises and feverish falls at our feet have served as more than just fodder for freelance bloggers from here to Istanbul; they've become a much needed pressure-valve in what can only be described as intense and uncertain times. And at the very least, you now stand as a role model for each of us, especially those down south who have recently taken a tumble of a far more severe nature.

You see, if Alicia can pull herself up by her lacey ankle bootstraps and face the world again with a crooked, squinty-eyed smile, then hell, isn't there hope for the rest of us?

I know you're thinking it, and I wouldn't feel right not saying it, but can I? Should I? Okay, here it goes. Wait for it: As if.

By the way, if a picture is worth a thousand words, here's 4000 more. For more details on (and the original pictures of) the Alicia Sliperstone Experience: 2005, click here.

Consider these the Before, During and After shots:



"Do you prefer 'fashion victim' or 'ensembly challenged'?"

I happen to think she looks hot. But I totally crush her anyway so maybe I'm not the best judge here.



"Oh My God, I love Josh!"

You can actually see the very moment her ankle gives out and folds under the pressure of her drunken weight.



"I felt impotent and out of control."

You said it.



"Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good."

Ummm yeah, Cher, I don't think that's the kind of attention you want right now.

By the way, why is no one helping her up?

What-Ev!