Religious Jews Break Fast For Forgiveness, God Floods City For Shits And Giggles

I always thought on the seventh day, He took a nap.

Alas, just 24 hours after atoning for their sins, Jewish as well as Goyish Gothamites have begun bracing for Heaven's latest Hex: the 192nd hour of a non-stop onslaught of drenching rainfall -- conditions, some say, of Biblical proportions.

As of 7:30 PM EST, federal and local authorities declared a State Of Emergency for all of New Jersey and certain neighboring areas of New York, as reports of dangerous flash flooding and electrical power outages continue to ravage the eastern sea coast, causing hundreds of local residents to evacuate for dry land.

According to the Weather Center of Long Island, we can expect another 7-8 inches overnight -- which, for anyone who has woken up next to someone from Long Island, means we'll be lucky if the dip stick reaches a mere five-and-three-quarters and isn't bent crooked like a broken coat hanger.

God Bless Us, Tiny Tino, Every One.