Tyra Banks: From Beauty To Obeast

Seems like just yesterday I woke up watching the luckiest doctor in the world feel up former supermodel-turned-daytime-diva Tyra Bank's beautiful breasts on national television, all for a timely segment reminding women everywhere to call their doctors to schedule a yearly sonogram, and coincidentally, encouraging men to call in late to work that morning. Mmmm memories...

And just in case you didn't get the memo, they're REAL PEOPLE!!!

But now, the almostess hostess is trading in her poofy Victoria Secret swimsuit for one of a slightly different color, albeit with less frills and forty-plus sizes too big.

This Monday's Tyra Banks episode is dedicated to discovering just how poorly obese women are treated in society, by both men and women alike, large and small. And to prove her point, an undercover Miss Banks will take to the streets donning a 350-pound fat suit, allowing the world an opportunity to truly experience what she calls, "one of the most heartbreaking days" of her entire life.

Apparently farting in front of Heidi Klum on the catwalk doesn't rank up there as all that heartbreaking. 'Tis just wind-breaking, no?

Alas, there's nothing like a skinny, drop-dead gorgeous woman dressing up like a big old fattie to remind us all of society's superficiality syndrome. Especially when she takes off the mask at the end the of the day, shedding both the pounds and the pain, revealing through well-rehearsed tear drops her true inner beauty, the kind that only supermodels and drugged up drag queens possess.

Speaking of drag queen drunks, not to be out done in the Public Self-Service Department, the magnificently medicated miracle that is still Mariah Carey rushed out to the back alleys of big cities with her camera crew to remind the world that there are tons of poor, homeless, hungry people out there who can barely afford shelter and food, let alone copies of her latest album, The Emancipation Of Mimi.

Forgive me while I go Emancipate My Lunch.