The New Canada: What You Bloggin' Aboot?

In an attempt to forge a closer working relationship with the George W. Bush Company -- I'm sorry, I mean the United States of America -- Canada has chosen to trade in it's long standing history of liberal and open-minded politics for the fresh, albeit fatal, face of the new Republican agenda.

Results from this week's general election showed Stephen Harper, leader of the Conservative Party, pulling in the majority vote to reign as the country's new Prime Minister.

It has been reported that shortly after the announcement, President Bush placed a 16 minute congratulatory call to Harper, wishing him hopes for a profitable future and offering advice on what to do next.

Shortly thereafter, Harper began work systematically destroying the national system of health care, increasing crime, rejecting the Kyoto Protocol to curb the effects of global warming, and banning all gay marriages, gay people in general and anyone who saw Brokeback Mountain and didn't "hurl, eh?"

Controversy bubbled over yesterday when Harper let it slip he always supported the invasion of Iraq and suggested reversing Canada's decision not to join the U.S. on the war front -- which, if you ask me, is exactly what Iraq needs right now: MORE untrained, useless, sissy-boy fighters to help slow down our political progress.