Hit That Baby One More Time...

SO THIS JUST IN: Britney Spears was out till 5AM, took a bunch of drugs, passed out cold on a metal table and threw her legs up wide in the air surrounded by a bunch of strange men.


Coincidentally she also had a C-section later that night. And by the looks of it, not a minute too soon.

Those who still cared the Pop Princess was alive breathed a sigh of relief when Baby Brit, whose name is rumored to be Preston Michael Sean Christian Spears Federline (I'm not making this up people!) made his healthy entrance into the world, weighing in at only 6 pounds, 11 ounces.

Doctors at the UCLA hospital are still baffled by what accounted for the other 340 pounds, though they are investigating a strange discovery left behind in the parking lot where Britney's water supposedly broke.



In a related story, the Religious Right, hearing the news of Britney's breeding, took the baby's birth as an opportunity to teach wayward children of the dangers in having unprotected sex, and to resist the lure of Satan's slimy serpent.




They also reminded young girls that they can, in fact, get pregnant from kissing.




This will be the first baby for Britney (shocking, I know), and the third for Father Federline...that we know of.